Are you a victim? I was having a conversation recently with a dear friend, in which the idea of the ‘victim mentality’ came up. As we were talking, it occurred to me that when someone becomes a victim – meaning, someone else has victimized him or her – they often continue to remain a victim, by repeatedly victimizing themselves thereafter. Yup, that’s what I said. Now, nobody would consciously choose this, but unfortunately, I think many of us do. I know I’ve experienced it.

Someone does something wrong to you – you get angry, hurt, resentful, etc. The actual act of the victimization is done. It happened. It’s in the past. But by continually handing over our personal power to the incident (not the perpetrator, the incident), we end up victimizing ourselves over and over again. Eventually, this repeated behavior becomes our story, thereby creating the “victim mentality.” But we don’t have to live that way. We have a choice.

It took me years to understand that I was living a story that was outdated and served no purpose in my life if I wanted to be healthy, happy and strong. I chose to live my life as a victim, because I never reconciled within myself the wrongs that had been done. Reconciling does not mean condoning, nor does it mean forgiving (that’s a topic for another day, entirely!) Reconciling, in this instance, simply meant: allowing myself to feel, and not judge my feelings.

Once I accepted, acknowledged and allowed my feelings to come out – I was free. Free of the incident, and free of the perpetual self-victimization cycle I had created around my own story. With freedom came perspective, and peace.

So, if someone wrongs you in some way, owning your feelings – your anger, hurt, fear, anxiety, frustration, etc. – is a healthy response to the situation. Owning your feelings, expressing them in a healthy way and then making the decision to take back your power by making a different choice makes you Victorious! Nobody wants to feel repeatedly victimized. What’s most important, though, is to assess whether your own mind, and not the original person are victimizing you. Because, if it’s your mind, and you are living a story of victimization and self-pity, then the blessing is YOU have the power to change that. If you want to. It may not be the easiest process, but it is definitely rewarding and worthwhile. Simply asking the question, and answering it honestly, is a big first step.

Therefore, I ask you, which do you choose: Victim or Victorious!

In Love and Light,

One Comment

  • Paula
    May 11th, 2010 · Reply

    Very timely…. and so true.

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