12 Points that Help Jess Reclaim her Passion—#3

Each month, author Jess Cleeves shares 12 of her most important points of advice on reclaiming passion.

Every boundary-setting adventure is a negotiation.

  • If we are too rigid about boundaries that don’t matter that much, we’re hard to collaborate with.
  • If we police our boundaries so fiercely that they interfere with our required relationships, that’s not serving us, either.

Excerpt from Planning to Stay:

Through no fault of their own, the people and structures in our lives benefit from us not having boundaries, or not enforcing the boundaries we say we have. A person without boundaries is always available, always giving, and always a resource. In organizational structures like the American public education system, this describes the ideal employee: perpetually giving, rarely taking.

It’s really hard to set and maintain a boundary in a community that is unfamiliar with and resistant to boundaried constituent members.

Setting boundaries is scary. Internally, we fear rejection, that we’ll be judged as less valuable or less committed, that we won’t be generally loved, or even liked. We aren’t structurally supported to do it (cue psychopathic system montage). Because of the first two reasons, we don’t have practice in boundary setting. Thankfully, boundary setting is a skill and is therefore something we can learn to identify and strive to improve.

Excerpt from Planning to Stay © 2022 Jess Cleeves.

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