This morning, I learned of Anthony Bourdain’s suicide. On Tuesday, I learned of Kate Spade’s suicide. Over the past week, I have also had friends lose loved ones and acquaintances, some of natural causes, but a surprising number to suicide. In fact, the majority, sadly.
Thankfully, because I am surrounded by social workers and other thoughtful people on social media, there have been many posts about mental health, coupled with the suicide hotline number.
Not surprisingly, as I read through some of the comments on the celebrity deaths, there were people who chose to speak out without compassion… or understanding. They couldn’t fathom how somebody who “had it all” (aka: wealth and fame) should be mourned for being “stupid enough” to take their own lives. One even said, “boo hoo… not!” *sigh*
But here’s the simple truth about suicide:
One of our most basic and primal drives (in fact, it might be THE most basic and primal drive we have) is self-preservation. It’s biologically hard-wired into us. It’s hard-wired into every living thing in nature to survive.
Therefore, for someone to complete a suicide they would have to override the most basic biological drive they have. How bad do things have to be for them to do this? Pretty bad.
Overriding self-preservation has nothing to do with wealth or fame, nothing to do with gender, age, race, faith, or any other superficial “category” we assign to other human beings. To think that any of those “things” should be enough to protect someone is ridiculous, because none of them compare to the most primal drive we have: self-preservation.
As I mourn the loss of a person whose work I truly enjoyed, my heart aches more for the friends who are mourning the loss of family and loved ones. It’s often said that “suicide is never the answer.” But unless you have been in their shoes, living with something so dark that you can override your most basic need, I don’t think we should judge. I think we should only offer them love that their souls may heal and be free, and surround those left behind with strength and grace. 💖
June 9th, 2018 ·
Very concise and compassionate. A truthful and empathic view of a tragic decision. The sad part is that next day could have been better, easier…the pain can recede and be less. Once suicide happens we cannot change the finality and come back into our bodies.
My heart goes out to them and to their families, loved ones.