I once read that ‘things fall apart so they can be put back together even better.’ I have to be honest, I’ve had a lot of things fall apart in the last several years. If I’m also honest, most of them were put back together in different (and better) ways, including the ones that weren’t put back together at all. Which, as it turns out, was also better. (yay)
At the time, however, it still hurt. And that’s the thing of it. When things break or fall apart, the grief we experience is palpable. It’s that simple. Mourning the loss of something for the way that it was is still mourning a loss, even if it returns in a different (better) way … or doesn’t. Lamenting the notion that something has changed can still cause pain. And that’s okay. That’s human.
What I know for sure is that change always happens. (There are so many quotes on this – even a song in Jekyll & Hyde states: “The only thing constant is change.“) I may not like it at the time, but it’s still going to happen. And, truth be told, some changes are better than others. Some things even get built back up in a new way that’s stronger, healthier, and actually, much more fun! Which means
When the process of change strips away what’s no longer working,
the potential for better things is born.
So I looked at that, too, through the lens of the past few years. When I got to the core of all the changes that occurred – those in my control (a few) and those outside of my control (more than I wanted to experience at the time), what I found is that everything that happened was for the better. Even if the end result isn’t clear yet – I know it’s for the better.
Sometimes (ok, a LOT of times), we (I) get in the way of knowing that. Fear, self-doubt, judgment, etc. all play a role in how we ultimately understand the effects of change in our lives. But there’s something else. Love. Love also plays a role – a much bigger role than any of the other more ‘negative’ emotions. Because (to quote another song):
Love changes everything.
It’s another lens through which I can look back and (more accurately) see just how beneficial all the painful changes were for me. More importantly, I can then learn and remember that
- all change is temporary,
- change will always (ALWAYS) happen, and
- I always have the choice to love myself through it. (Yes, that’s another song quote. Well, paraphrase, actually.)
Because interestingly enough, Love always changes everything for the better….even when it feels worse. (Did you catch that? Even when it feels worse.)
So, where does choice lie? (Because you know I believe in choice!) Well, when choice is made from a place of Love — only good things can come. (And, it’s a choice to use the Lens of Love.) They may not come today or tomorrow, but they will always come. And they’re always worth it in the end. (yay, again)
As a dear friend wrote to me recently:
Don’t be sorry.
(A perfect mandate if ever there was one: So simple and clear!) And so I shall.